morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
