you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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