tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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