Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
