Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This is the high leading the old right now
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
