Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
