I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We are all done wearing pants today
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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