Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
