It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
