The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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