He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You have to summon your inner elephant
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is Oprah even human
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
