I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
