Don't make out with my wife yet
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
