You made me cry and you don't even care
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize