Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If I die, sorry about rent.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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