ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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