hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
