so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
