so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
