I puked a lego.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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