8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
