Clothes are such an inconvenience.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
