I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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