what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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