He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
