I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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