hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
this just has baby written all over it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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