I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize