Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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