I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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