Girls should come with a carfax report
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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