Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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