so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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