Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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