i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
