she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
