When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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