Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
