tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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