He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
