Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
