New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
