The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
