Sponge bath it is.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
