His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
