Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He did a backflip because drugs
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize