why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
