her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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