I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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