didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
