Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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