first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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