I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize