The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
