According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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