Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
