When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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