She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
