gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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