Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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