I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
