omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
someone owes me an orgasm
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
