4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
