No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
