Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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