Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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