I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
