What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i think we sleep fucked last night...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
