You're so nebulous sometimes
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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