Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
